The Worst Romance Fic Ever
by karmakaze
Summary: An unexpected romance at Hogwarts. If you hate it, you have been warned, so PLEASE no flames!
1. Default Chapter

                                                The Worst Romance Fic Ever

                                                            By Goth-girl

I don't own Harry Potter, because J.K. Rowling does, and if _I _did, I might be rich right now?

            Harry Potter sat tapping his quill against his desk in Transfiguration.  When they could finally leave, he joined his best friend, Ron Weasley in the hallway.  "You know, Harry.  I mean, this being a magical school and all, you'd expect more to happen.  I mean, nothing ever happens here.  Not _ever_!"

            "Well, Voldemort came back to power last year," Harry said.

            "The name, Harry," Ron winced.  "But I mean, he really hasn't done much to anyone.  I mean, that's the last anyone saw of him.  I mean, not that that's a bad thing, I don't really want an evil thing in our school, but it's so _boring_ lately."

            "Yeah," Harry said.  "I mean, the end of the year someone usually tries to kill me, but other than that, fascinations are seldom."

            Unfortunately for the two friends, they happened to run into their least favorite professor, Snape.  "Why do you take this wonderful world we live in for granted boys?  This world is like no other!"

            "Okay," Ron said as they kept walking.  "Snape's lost it!"

            Hermione came walking besides them.  "All of the teachers are acting weird lately," she said matter-of-factly.  "Maybe you'd know if you paid attention in Transfiguration.  McGonnagal's gone mad!  Yesterday, I heard that she's trying to get Snape fired."

            "Woohoo!" Ron said.  "Wait.  How come you're going against the teachers you like so much?"  
            "I'm not," Hermione said.  Her face turned pale.  "I think that's your answer right there," she said, pointing.

            Ron and Harry's jaws dropped, for at that moment, they saw Snape and Professor Trelawny from divination were kissing.

            "Ugh!" Ron said.

            Snape turned to face the students.  "No classes today.  Go play Quidditch with your friends or something."


	2. The secret

Chapter Two

            "You can skip my class too," Trelawny said to everyone.

Later, the students talked amongst themselves.

"Oh my Lord!" Ron said.  "That is disgusting.  No lunch for me, I mean it!"

            Malfoy was in a fit.  "Our own house leader.  How could he end up with that _nut_?"

            Ginny only had one thing to say.  "Eew.  That is so gross, how could this happen?  Ron, you told me all the professors were _sane_!"

            "I think you've got me confused with Percy," he told her.

            "Look on the bright side," Harry said to Ron, ignoring Malfoy's pain.  "Potions is cancelled until they break up, and no more divination for awhile."  
            "I made one decent prediction," Hermione said.  "I predict this day could not get any worse."

            "You think not?" Ron asked.  "Cuz I can't see what woman wouldn't want to be with Snape!"

            "That's a man!" someone exclaimed, pointing at Trelawny.

            "That's my lunch," Ron said, vomiting.

            "It got worse, Hermione," Harry said.

            Was it true?  Was their professor a man?  Find out next time on this really sick story, if you can stand it. 


	3. Gross!

Chapter Three

            "You're a **_man_**?" Ron gasped at Trelawny.

            "Is this going to work?" Ginny wondered.

            "Just wait until my father finds out about this!" Malfoy cursed.

            "I don't think they heard you," Harry commented.

            Later that night, Malfoy sent a letter to his father.  

Dear father,

            Snape is making out with Trelawny!  The horror!  I can't think of anything else to write, I am just so mortified!

                                                                                                                                    Draco

            The next morning, sitting at breakfast, an announcement was stirring amongst the children.  DRACO'S FATHER AND MR. DURSLEY!!!!!!!"            

            "Professor Trelawny is cheating on Snape, and making out with Mr. Dursley!" Ginny screamed.

            "Looks like your Aunt Petunia divorced him for Filch!" Ron said to Harry.

            "Oh, please don't let them be making out," Harry begged.


	4. Voldemort attacks

            Okay, so Harry and Hermione were walking to Divination, hoping that nothing bad would happen.  Okay, so they're actually kind of _running _to Divination, because Filch just got dumped by his girlfriend, and is chasing people throughout the school.  That's beside the point.  

            "You'd think that school would be more dignified," Hermione said; as Harry had to practically drag her to her next class.  Before they were able to arrive, an announcement from some guy came from overhead.  

            "Everyone, go to your like, cafeteria, or whatever they call that," the girl said.  "Like, omigosh, my master, who is Voldemort by the way, but don't tell anyone that cuz it's a huge secret or something, told me to like distract you, so like, how do I do that?"

            "Voldemort's plans are usually slightly more brilliant than that," Harry commented.

            "Who cares?" someone asked.  "It makes the story more interesting, so shut up, Harry!"

            Anyway, judging by the fact that Voldemort's servant wanted them to go to the Great Hall, they are obviously not bright enough to realize that they are all walking into traps.  So, swarms of students go running in that direction, and Harry and Hermione are getting pushed.  Closer to where Filch is standing.

            "Oh dear God!" Harry said.

            "Petrificus totalus," Hermione said.  With that, she knocked him over the banister, causing him to land on top of Collin.  Luckily, he was able to take a picture of him, before the lens cracked from his hideousness and odor.

            "Where should we go?" Harry asked.

            Realizing that nothing in this story makes even a remote amount of sense, I'll add something else.  A muggle with an extraordinary gift for being able to see things that aren't there, either that, or he forgets his happy pills, walks into the school.

            "Boys and girls, I'm here to tell you about working in a business.  Business is very business like.  So, I couldn't afford to go to college, so I…"

            Meanwhile, someone found Voldemort, and shot arrows at him, and now he can't see.  I know that's impossible, but the person who made the arrow loved it, so there.  Didn't think of _that, _huh?  Maybe you should start talking to trees more often!  Anyhow, Voldemort, hardly being able to see, runs up the stairs.  Everyone runs from him, except for some of the Slytherins, and a girl who wants his autograph.  Voldemort, not being able to see, recognizes the business man/muggle as an old guy, and thinks he's Dumbledore, and notices that he's not moving, and takes the opportunity to capture him.  

            "It's almost like there's something going on here that I don't know about," the guy said.

…………….To be Continued……………………………………………………………………..


End file.
